Going over past blog posts I came across a post from last year that allowed me to reflect on the healing powers of time and my personal journey over the last 12 months.

I am naturally a rather private person. Extending myself from my comfort zone I feel is necessary, particularly if I can use my experiences to connect with others and support them through similar challenges. This post is an extension and reflection of  The next Chapter and New Self Discoveries which I put together initially after a traumatic chapter of my life to share what was helping me move forward and reach out to those who may be feeling alone in similar circumstances.

Time is a powerful concept. We contemplate not having enough time, then we are thrown in situations where we feel we want to fast forward time to feel better and escape. The beauty of time when healing is that every minute is so necessary to our personal journeys. Days, weeks and months of pain are all part of the healing process and help us learn and become stronger individuals. Pain can be beautiful as much as it can be harsh and terrifying.

I’m not going to sugar coat the concept of healing. Your not going to wake up one day and it will all suddenly be over and all better. Pain digs deep and depending on the situation it will probably be a part of you for a very long time. This doesn’t mean you need to feel sad for a very long time but it does mean you need to accept and befriend it rather than run away and cover it up- it will only continue to visit you and prevent you from moving forward.

That hole torn apart inside of you that can’t be filled no matter what you try- it will heal, but slowly. You can cover it up but like a band-aid it’s only temporary and will start to peel. No matter what the circumstance, no one deserves to live in pain and unhappiness. Initial stages of feeling the pain and accepting it are critical. It is then up to you to nurture and slowly fill that hole. Firstly with self-love, secondly with acceptance and processing and thirdly by taking steps to move forward and let go.

12 months ago I was in a situation I had to get out of ASAP! I had to leave my home, my business behind, my best friend and the person I loved, along with the next 5 years of life plans. Living in absolute anxiety and denial for months before that point in time I was a numb physical and emotional mess held together by fear. The first 2 weeks after were a blur that I remember very little of. All I remember was this incredible pain as reality started to kick in and I was able to let my barriers down.  My mind was this terrifying place replaying images and words and creating endless questions I didn’t understand or could not answer. I couldn’t cope with being in it and would try anything that would help me feel better ‘now’. I would find myself triggered by the tiniest things and falling instantly apart in the supermarket, while walking somewhere, as soon as I left after meeting with a friend … but only while I was alone. With the previous months of practice I had managed to stay together in front of others, so this became a coping mechanism ‘don’t allow yourself to be alone and you will be ok’ I told myself and forced myself to believe. While being around lots of loving family and friends definitely helped, there came a point where I had to self-heal and start to befriend the pain rather than escape it. This was the hardest aspect. Really accepting that this last few weeks was now going to be my reality and I needed to start thinking forward was really scary. It took time, however I was then able to accept that it was also exciting. I had almost this new life that I could shape in any direction I pleased. I refused to allow my life to be governed by my last chapters and month by month I started to heal.

12 months later I can say I am a strong, independent and incredibly happy individual. I can honestly say I am in love with who I am, being in my own company and the new life I have created for myself based around beautiful & positive people, a fulfilling and rewarding fresh start to my business, a new level of health I have been able to build, and a number of self achievements and hobbies that fill me with so much happiness. I wake up in the mornings so grateful and almost in disbelief that this is my life. I can say though that it took A LOT of work to get to this point and I know I still have a lot more work to reach a point of completely letting go of certain beliefs that are still holding me back. I’ve accepted its going to take years, however I also know I want to live the fullest life I can and will not allow my past to prevent me from an optimally happy future. Some weeks are harder than others and some days I find myself sinking back into negative thought patterns, however being able to recognise this and just accept is a positive step towards your healing process. Pain can’t disappear instantly. It heals with patience.

For anyone struggling with pain or holding onto past pain, know that you are not alone and with acceptance, patience and by befriending it, the hole will heal and you will become a stronger individual because of it. Pain is part of life, however suffering is a choice. Keep your heart soft and don’t be scared of allowing pain to touch it again because this will only limit your ability to receive the unbelievable amount of love and happiness this world has to offer you.

Much love

XX

Claudia